Thursday, June 3, 2010

Awesome! B_O_M_B_A_Y

Bombay has no bombs and is a harbour not a bay.
Churchgate has neither a church nor a gate. It is a railway station.
There is no darkness in Andheri.
Lalbaag is neither red nor a garden.
No king ever stayed at Kings Circle.
Nor did Queen Victoria stay at Victoria Terminus.
Nor is there any princess at Princess Street.
Lower Parel is at the same level as Parel.
There are no marines or sailors at Marine Lines.
The Mahalaxmi temple is at Haji Ali not at Mahalaxmi.
There are no pigs traded at Dukar bazaar.
Teen bati is a junction of 3 roads, not three lamps.
Trams used to terminate at Kings circle not Dadar* Tram Terminus (Dadar T..T..).
Breach Candy is not a sweetmeat market, but there is a Hospital.
Safed Pool has the dirtiest and blackest water.
You cannot buy coal at Kolsa street.
There are no Iron smiths at Lohar chawl.
There are no pot makers at Kumbhar wada.
Lokhandwala complex is not an Iron and steel market.
Null bazaar does not sell taps.
You will not find ladyfingers at Bheendi Bazaar.
Kalachowki does not have a black Police station.
Hanging Gardens are not suspended.
Mirchi Gully does not sell chillies.
Figs do not grow in Anjir Wadi.
Sitafals do not grow in Sitafal Wadi,
Jackfruits do not grow at Fanaswadi.
But it is true that you may get fleeced at Chor Bazaar!

Ant & Grasshopper Story- New Version

Old Story:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and

laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool

and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or

shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Indian Version of this old story:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and

laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the

summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands

to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others

are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper

next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with

food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor

Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that

Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .

Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.

Author Speaks!!

Hello & Welcome to this special post where we meet the the author & publisher of the nevergoingtobe bestseller of all time “The Geek & The Ghost”

So today we have with us , MJ Lakshmi Narayanan

Blogger : Hello & Welcome

MJ : Thanks ..its great to be here

Blogger : First of all congratulations for being promoted from being a blogger to author or booker as you have mentioned

MJ: Thanks (has a suppressed grin) its great ..feels good actually

Blogger: since when u have been writing stories

SURA –The TERROR!!!

From Our Special Correspondent -

Chennai: If You are not aware of the Latest Tamil Movie SURA (means Shark) then its better u be beware of the Terror terrorizing Tamil Nadu
SURA the 50th film of Vijay a.k.a Young General is certainly making deadly Tsunami waves –through theaters. Some instances below.

Kasab has reportedly gone into shock after the judge sentenced him to watch re-runs of SURA in solitary confinement. His lawyer told the press that they will be appealing to reduce the punishment to death sentence.
Chinese have decided to include “watching Sura” as one of their torture techniques and have ordered for 10,000 digital prints of the film. Apparently an official said “we can beat India in anything but not in making movies like Sura”
In a medical breakthrough lunatics were cured instantly after watching the opening sequence of SURA. They said “we feel smarter already”
Thousands of people are leaving Chennai after the movie got released –“We can tolerate the Summer …but SURA is just too much”
Insurance Companies report that claims for personal damages have tripled in the last month.usual reason is “watched Sura”
Hospitals are reportedly bribing Theatres to run more shows,as more & more people come to get admitted in the hospital straight from the movie theatre showing SURA. Usual symptoms are dizziness & nausea.

Last But Not Least…

Sharks have filed defamation case against the producers of the movie for using their name without their permission and making them look like a “comedy piece”

really a must watch for Vijay Fans atleast that's wat the reviews say…

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Geek & The Ghost - 25

Bangalore, India
April 4, 2020 A.D
8.00 pm

“Next Stop CMH Road”
..announced the Namma Metro in its sweetest electronic voice. DJ got up from his seat, while checking Twitter in his ADAM tablet PC.

ShashiTharoor: in bhurj khalifa ..Excited abt today’s meeting between our PM Rahul Gandhi & his Pakistani counterpart

An old uncle who lives nearby DJ’s place looked at it and said..

“these guys will never get it over with ..will they??”

DJ smiled and said in mocking military ton

“No Sir. Never”

DJ reached his apartment on the 12th floor ,let himself in and announced

“Honey, I am home”
“welcome dear”

As DJ entered the living room, He could see the familiar sight of Mrs.Geek setting up the dinner table.

“Hi”
“Hi dear.. how was the day?”
“Well the stocks went down by 2 %, our logistics dept messed up so the shipment will be delayed by 2 days by which our stocks will crash and I almost punched a MBA candidate who asked for stocks options post interview”
“hehehehhhehe just another day in office I guess”
“ you bet…coffee??”

DJ came near to the table and got the coffee cup from her.

“Where is she?”
“She is in her e-class. Have coffee and shower up dinner will be ready soon..”
“hmm before that can I get some sugar?”
“ but I already put two cubes in that”
“I wasn’t asking it for coffee”

DJ settled the cup on the table, grabbed her by the waist , leaned in and planted a wet kiss

“Daddddddddddddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy”

DJ got startled and quickly let her go.

“Hi Cupcake”

Their daughter was standing in a frock with orange flowers on it.

What were you doing with mom??
Nuthn nuthn just saying hi…come here beautiful

She ran towards him and he took her in his arms

“aah…yes..give daddy a kiss….hmm good…how was school?
“School was good but short”
“had eclass today??”
“yes..Mrs.Nokumara from Japan taught us History”
“really…good wat history world war? India’s independence struggle?”
“ no rise and fall of 8071 Microprocessors…it was history of electronics”
DJ turned towards his wife
“honey are you hearing this…plzz tell me I am dreaming”
“hehehheeh …like father like daughter..she herself opted for extra e-class electronics”

DJ let his daughter down from his arms

“off you go sweety ..mom will call
when dinner’s ready”
He then said “I just hope she does not become a geek like me”
“Don’t worry, even if she did she will still be you sweet little cupcake”
“Hmm ok I will go shower”
“Ok…oh ..before I forget your Ghost had called”

The Geek & The Ghost -24

This story is based on some true events, however it has been fictionalized and all persons appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

No I am seriously asking..how are you holding up?

RJ repeated his question. This time DJ looked him with a question mark.

DJ: Is it a trick question?

RJ: no..i really want to know

DJ:of course its a little tough..but I knw its just a matter of time..before I get a job..u knw eventually

RJ: I knw abt the job issue is not a big issue…I was talking abt the other thing

DJ: wat other thing?

RJ: um..DG?

DJ: DG? Y wat happen?

RJ: isn’t she getting married ?

DJ: yeah..u did get the invite rite?

RJ: yeah…but ..

DJ: wat is it RJ?

RJ: aren’t you doing sumthing abt it?

DJ: u mean gift? Yeah I haven’t decided yet let’s see..i am broke already ..contributions are welcome

RJ: oh god!! DJ.. don’t act smart with me…

DJ: wat are u talking about

RJ: I thought u were going to do something about

DJ: uh? Like?

RJ: are you going to delhi?

DJ: no why would I go to delhi?

RJ: uff….everything wont come to you DJ.. sometimes you have to go get it

DJ: wat has not come? Wat shud I go get it?/

RJ: its ok to lie to me…don’t lie to urself

DJ: ok now I am seriously confused…

RJ: have you told her how you feel abt her

DJ: yeah

RJ: u did?? And wat did she tell?

DJ: she feels the same way

RJ: then?? Y are u still here?

DJ: dude ..i think we are having a miscommunication here..

RJ: even I feel the same ..let me ask plainly you love her?

The Geek & The Ghost -23

This story is based on some true events, however it has been fictionalized and all persons appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

How long to wait??
5 mins on the way….
DJ was waiting in Garuda. It’s been more than a month since the ‘unusual day’.
1 msg received ….DG

Reached coming up..plzz don’t laugh

DJ was wondering what was that supposed to mean and as soon as he saw her , he knew what she meant.

DJ gasped “OMG”

DG was wearing a sari. He was seeing her wearing a sari for the first time. She wasn’t the DG as he knew her.

Suddenly DJ got reminded of Steve Martin and his movie Father of the Bride. When his daughter walks up the aisle in the wedding dress, she still appears to him as the little girl playing bride. DJ was feeling similarly and he was very much surprised to actually think like that.

DJ thought “wow..if this is wat it feels like …no wonder dad’s cry at their daughter’s wedding”

DG came towards him.

DJ: You look great

In all these days…DJ had never voluntarily complimented her

DG: really? Thanks….but I have to say .u look awful

The Geek & The Ghost-22

y this is in white …shouldn’t it be pink?

It was 12.25pm on hot summer day in Bangalore.

“I will have a Lychee chill”

DJ was in CCD in Forum Mall.

“anything to eat sir”

He usually goes to Kalmane Koffee when he goes to Forum.

“hmm..u have anything sweet?”
“of course, would u like a muffin?”
“nah that won’t be chocolaty enough”
“pardon sir?”

But this wasn’t an usual day.

THE GEEK & THE GHOST -21

This story is based on some true events, however it has been fictionalized and all persons appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

It was another dull day in “SPARK TECHNOLOGIES”
DJ…. Boss is calling you
oh no that cant be good
may be he is giving a raise
yeah rite we don’t have funds for a new water cooler how the hell he will give me a raise
just go yaar he is waiting
ok ok ooff here we go
……………….
DJ : ok.. now where the hell is Chatur?
where else ? he’s gone to tirupati
what for?
you don't know? he goes there every month..
oh no he is not going to come today is he?
no not till Thursday why?
I need to make these charts yaar.. he is good @ excel
well..enjoy maadi
[expletive]